I just wanna write. Write everything. I think, during this time, I was too many in talk. Talk more then nothing to do. What should I do? I often not focus. I have so many idea, so many dream, and so many plan. But WHAT I've done? If I think it carefully, deeply, I fell so depress... Ya Rabb... I don't want this. If this feeling come up, my friends, or anybody beside me get impact. My fierce face make them have bad feeling too. Really I don't want this. Even if they have good impress to me in order I always smile and make my feeling better, it's really really BULLSHIT. That's the true. Actually I force myself to smile, but my feeling can't be better soon. I just wanna sleep away and go.. go...go away from them for a moment. I need time to myself.
I want cry, and tell everything to Allah, even if Allah has already know. But, I still want to tell it. Just HE who knows me the best. HE know the best things for me.
OK. Enough for to be melancholy. Hmm but wait, I still want to be melancholy, Hmm gimme at least one or two paragraph. Back to the topic. What? About the many ideas, many dreams, and many plans but NO ACTION. How can I get reach them if no action.
I often dream. Yes. Every motivator said.... The Great Person always start their debut from dream. Yes I've done. I always dream, imagine what I will be in the future.
Then what the next step? ACTION. Once more.. YES I tried to do. Hmm What's wrong? Why my felling have no come better? Actually I have action but not focus, and too many talk. More talk than action. It's not balance. OK, From now on, let's make List what must we (I and I) do :
- *aargh I confuse what must I do*. May be as the first step, I must DEACTIVE FACEBOOK. I am not make deadline how many ays I can stay in this condition, life without facebook.. hehe :-)
- Then, the second step? Hunting for professor. Find what their research topic and make these as reference of these. So, the decision is to make Analysis Thesis not making program. Target for graduation → JANUARY 2012.
- How about the book I've targeted for this may? Oh no... I don't have any idea for this. Can I rest of it? And the answer of my alter-ego : You may take a rest and throw it on your trash then you are be looser. Do you like it, hah? To be a looser. Ouch... Shamed you. How pity you are.
Then, I think it back. May be I can save this dream and not make target when I must finish it. There some cases more have priority
- The next question is, how about the project of expert system?
And the answer of my alter-ego is: Just TALK LESS DO MORE! Don't say anything about your project. Don't tell me what's your plan for the development of it. It has too much. The you must do immediately is → REPAIR YOUR LOCALHOST AND APACHE ERROR. Then you can just fill the database. No more BULLSHIT. Deal!
Yeah. I can start from now on. I realize my friend got me in unpleasant mood. I really really sorry to all of my friends for this. I have to go to my cave for several moments. I promise I tried to be better and give the best to you too. I realize all of you have good impress to me. But, Let me 'in' and just give your smile and don't ask anything. And pray on me to Allah, please. Big big thank you... May Allah bless us. Pray to Allah to always give us the best. For Everything, for our great plan. Da'wa in Allah ways.
And the last (for this chance), hope we can reach our dream soon and make advantageous for humanity. Aamiin.
Yogyakarta, May 21st , 2011 after drop from AMICTA inauguration.
This 'share' finish at 11:32PM